evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
