Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Quick, to the slutcave!
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Houston, we have a blender
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
