What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
