I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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