The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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