I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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