Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
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