I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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