Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
