True but thats because hes a fetus.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
