i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
