You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
