she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
