Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
