hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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