He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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