I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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