I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
