I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I'm passing your future prison.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
