found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Randomize
