Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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