Can i not drive my cunt home
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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