Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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