Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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