The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
