Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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