Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
