don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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