His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Randomize
