Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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