My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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