I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
