last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
