this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
