and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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