its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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