I murdered the dance floor call the cops
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
