Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
