Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
