If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Congratulations! We have a period
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
