I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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