guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
