The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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