I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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