This dress was meant to end up on your floor
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
