I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
