Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Randomize
