Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
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