My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
