I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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