My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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