Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Randomize
