i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
