look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
