maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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