So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
