I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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