He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
