I wish I could teleport
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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