So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
