If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
