a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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