I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
